All in my head?

Maybe if none is watching, maybe if its just me, no pressure, just to see, if its all in my head.

I know I’m stubborn but this is getting out of hand. Walk. Normally. There is nothing wrong. It is all in your head, just walk.

The truth is I can’t. My body doesn’t work, not matter how much I plead with my leg and arm, willing them to make to most simple of movements. No matter how hard I try to convince myself I am being ridiculous, that Im making it up, imagining it, that its all in my head. ITS NOT.

I know that its not in my head, and that is scary. I can’t control my own body. I hate not being in control!

Today as been a good day, I haven’t noticed any weakness, no tingles, no aches, no pains. Until now. I wrote whats above during my last episode of paralysis nearly a year ago. I had written in in a note book and just typing it out again brings back a rush of emotion. Its true I hate my condition because I am a control freak. Actually thats not true, there is a lot I don’t feel the need to be in control of. But my own body, that is the one thing I should be in control of. Even now as I type I can feel tingles, bubbling in my leg, which is stupid because I and now questioning my condition. I have no control over when it takes a hold of my body, and yet when I’m writing about it and so I’m thinking about it and now I can feel it. And so the question arises again, is it all in my head?

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