All in my head?

Maybe if none is watching, maybe if its just me, no pressure, just to see, if its all in my head.

I know I’m stubborn but this is getting out of hand. Walk. Normally. There is nothing wrong. It is all in your head, just walk.

The truth is I can’t. My body doesn’t work, not matter how much I plead with my leg and arm, willing them to make to most simple of movements. No matter how hard I try to convince myself I am being ridiculous, that Im making it up, imagining it, that its all in my head. ITS NOT.

I know that its not in my head, and that is scary. I can’t control my own body. I hate not being in control!

Today as been a good day, I haven’t noticed any weakness, no tingles, no aches, no pains. Until now. I wrote whats above during my last episode of paralysis nearly a year ago. I had written in in a note book and just typing it out again brings back a rush of emotion. Its true I hate my condition because I am a control freak. Actually thats not true, there is a lot I don’t feel the need to be in control of. But my own body, that is the one thing I should be in control of. Even now as I type I can feel tingles, bubbling in my leg, which is stupid because I and now questioning my condition. I have no control over when it takes a hold of my body, and yet when I’m writing about it and so I’m thinking about it and now I can feel it. And so the question arises again, is it all in my head?

Feedback and Evaluation

  • a different style of performance – stylised
  • movement was slick and well rehearsed
  • strong and intentional performance
  • simplicity made it strong
  • well choreographed
  • lent itself well to the space
  • good choice of words to tell narrative
  • small people disappeared into the outside environment


  • all three worked well together and helped to for a narrative
  • Areas to think about ¬†for the future – practicalities of real life, the importance of a design to be able to perform, its not just about your work, its about the person you are.


The Performance

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Riot – exploring the fabric

How should the fabric perform?

is it an explosion? or does it bubble more like lava

We discussed how to perform the fabric, we agreed that it should take on the characteristics of the riot. WE thought that this movement was most like lava, starting lowly and gathering momentum until it is unstoppable.

When we started to experiment with the fabric we realised that we didn’t have much control over the manipulation once the fabric had been revealed. This made us reconsider our performance.


The words seemed to take on more significance than we had first thought and we felt that we needed to incorporated them through are interaction with the fabric.

I led the group in experimenting with creating a stylised performance exploring the quotes on the fabric. We all added our own ideas about how to communicate the text to the audience, using techniques that stylised the communication of the quotes to the audience.

Story Board:

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Riot Project – the build

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Layout1When I drew the design in auto Cad I had to consider how we would build it. It was at this point that I started to think practically realising that the mass would need to come apart in order to fit through doors and be transported. I decided that the best way to make it come apart was to split it in half so that the top could come off, and the join would be less visible.

Riot project – the design

Our ideas came together quite quickly. We all drew something very similar to my first drawing and brought our ideas together to create my second drawing. after trying to model the drawing we soon realised that is would be extremely difficult to create and would have the effect of a dense mass that we wanted.

We then considered scale, and started to think about how we could create a mass, this led us to think about the similarities of a riot of people and an ant hill. Using this concept I wanted to push how we could make the cart transform into the beast made from the people.

We started to design a shape based on the ant hill with a performer underneath that moved, making the small scale people attached move – creating a beast.

I was really interested in how the 3 carts would work together and what the narrative of the overall performance would be, so after talking to the other groups I realised that our cart would need to ‘perform’ last as it was a representation of the riot itself. With this in mind I returned to my original idea of using fabric to create the beast.

Through my drawings and creating a model with the group we started to think about what the fabric should be and how it related to the ant hill idea. We decided that the fabric should come out of the people, as the beast came from the mass of human beings.

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